Dr. Everything Blog for 7/13/18

Supreme Court- Nominee Bret Kavanaugh spent more money on baseball tickets than for his kids college education. Now there’s a guy I want making decision for me!

Trump Insults- Thus far, he has insulted Mexicans, Muslims, women, Kim Jung Un, Angela Markel,

Megan Kelly, Jimmy Kimmel, John McCain, Barrack Obama, Marco Rubio……have I missed anyone?

Hillary- I heard that she may consider running….again. That’s the joke.

Schizophrenia- If someone sees an MD for schizophrenia, does the MD offer a group rate?

Ruth Bader Ginsberg- Please don’t die while Trump is in office. Perhaps she’s already dead and hasn’t told anyone.

Lifetime jobs- A Supreme Court Justice and a mail carrier. Coincidence?

“I told my son…”Someday you’ll have kids of your own”.

He replied….”So will you”. Rodney Dangerfield

Have a great day.

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Dr. Everything blog for 7/12/18

Timed street crossing-

The traffic lights here in LA have digital timers. They provide us with 17 seconds to cross the street.

I can’t handle this kind of pressure! What if it takes me 18 or 19 seconds? Crossing the street is now like being on death row. You know exactly when your time is up.

Trump facial expressions-

Is it just me, or does his face always look like a man who is severely constipated.

Starbucks Coffee-

Anyone remember when a cup of coffee was under a dollar? I do.

Homeless people now say…”Can you spare $5.75 for a decaf latte?

Viagra-

Insurance companies won’t pay for Viagra. Getting an erection now costs me $60.00 month. I remember the good old days when getting an erection was only a matter of opening National Geographic Magazine.

# Native women

To Kill a Mockingbird-

Best movie ever? Best scene in that movie was when Scout engaged and comforted a lynch mob in front of the courthouse. The mob came to hang a black man. They left feeling humiliated and humbled.

Harper Lee showed the world that love is stronger than hate.

Lawyers-

Lawyers have a unique talent. They can all talk out of both sides of their………

My ex wife’s lawyer-

Norman Bates is alive and well.

“My wife and I made an agreement. We only smoke cigarettes after sex. I’ve had the same pack since 1964”.

Rodney Dangerfield

Have a great day.

Sincerely,

Dr. Everything

Dr. Everything for 7/11/18

Good Morning,

Trump selected another “yes man” to fill a vacancy on the Supreme Court.

Is it just me, or is Brett Kavanaugh’s head disproportionately larger than the rest of his body?

Kavanaugh is nothing more than Robert Bork without the beard. If this guy gets confirmed, fasten your seat belts.

Ruth Bader Ginsberg….please don’t die while Trump is in office. Otherwise, we’ll have a 6-3 court, with all 6 conservatives wearing swastikas. (#fine people on both sides).

Starbucks will soon stop using plastic straws. What’s the alternative?

Is it just me, or do some of the Barristas at Starbucks look like the retarded banjo-playing boy from the movie “Deliverance”. Not all of them. I know one guy who worked at SB and became a lawyer….most of which would qualify as a retarded.

“My mother never breast fed me. She told me she just wanted to be friends”.

Rodney Dangerfield

Everything for Wednesday, September 29, 2015

Pope nods off

It looked to me like the Pope was snoozing during mass in NYC.  Not sure if this was because he was tired or he was anticipating his private meeting with John Boehner.

Biden polls

A recent poll has Joe Biden as the favorite to win the democratic nomination. Good.  This year’s crop of candidates could put Sominex to sleep.

Banking

I  went to my bank and demanded that the teller give me 6 pennies for a nickel.  I told her to act natural and nobody will get hurt.

Starbucks

I’m there too often. And I don’t drink coffee. Could  it be that I’m addicted to people?

Thanks  for listening.

SIncerely,

Dr. Everything

Everything for Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Batgirl

Yvonne Craig, the beautiful and talented actress that played Batgirl on the 60’s TV series Batman, has died. She was 78. Prior to her Batgirl role,  Craig had been an accomplished ballet dancer and actress , having performed in movies with, among others, Elvis Presley.

RIP Yvonne Craig.

Lion Killer

Walter Palmer, the killer of Cecil the lion, has reopened his dental office. However, Palmer is not there!   Perhaps he’s out researching how to give a lion a root canal.

Viagra for Women

The FDA has approved the “Pink Pill”  This pill supposedly increases a woman’s desire for sex.

Will Bruce Jenner take this one, or Viagra, or both?

Pervert Rabbi

A New York Rabbi took a group of young boys to exercise and then joined them all …..for a nude sauna.

Notwithstanding, his congregation is allowing him to keep his job.    Holy Shit!  Perhaps  he will now conduct the first all-nude sabbath.

Sandwich Pervert

Jared Fogel, former spokesman for Subway sandwiches, has please guilty to kiddy porn and is going to jail.  Perhaps he’ll lose  even more weight eating prison food.

Mockingbird revisited

I’m re-reading the  classic “To Kill a Mockingbird” .  Is it just me, or would everyone love to have had a dad just like Atticus Finch?

Thanks for listening.

Sincerely,

Dr. Everything

Everything for August 1, 2015

Lion Killer Dentist

Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer, shot, killed, and decapitated  “Cecil,”, the beloved lion of Zimbabwe.

Palmer then left Cecil’s corps to rot in the Africa sun.  Punishment?

Palmer’s head should be stuffed and mounted in the headquarters of PETA.

Baseball

Remember Bill Buckner? Former first baseman for the Boston Red Sox?  During game 6  of the 1986 World Series against the NY Mets,  he misplayed  a routine ground ball , which allowed the Mets to win the game. (The Mets also won the series in 7 games).   He was forever after remembered only for that one play.

Buckner also ended his career with more hits than Ted Williams.  You decide how Bill Buckner should be remembered.

Killer Cop

A rogue University of Cincinnati cop (white) killed an unarmed black motorist, Sam DuBoise,  during a routine traffic stop.  The cop, Ray Tensing, claims that he feared for his life.  The video of this incident says otherwise. Let’s all now witness  the grand pile of BS to be launched by Tensing’s lawyer.   Video doesn’t lie. But lawyers do.

Thanks for Listening.

Sincerely,

Dr. Everything

Everything for Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Tom Brady

Who  the hell “destroys” their cell phone, simple because he bought  a new one?  This episode smells like the time former Nixon aide Rosemary Woods “accidentally” erased 18 minutes of audio tape . Brady is not guilty of deflating his balls. He is , however, guilty of not having any balls.

Brady’s Wife wears a burka

Gisele Bundchen, wife of NFL QB Tom Brady, left a Paris plastic surgeons office wearing a burka. If she was trying to travel incognito, she forgot about the shoes. She was wearing sandals with exposed toes..a no-no in burka land.    Ironic how she went to Paris to  inflate her boobs while Tom is defending his deflated balls.

Dentist kills the lion

A Minnesota dentist, Walter Palmer,  killed and decapitated “Cecil ” , a beloved lion, from his  natural habitat  in Zimbabwe. He did so purely for sport . He did so by placing a dead animal on his car  (for the scent) and then luring Cecil from his safe habitat into hunting grounds.

Cecil’s remains were left to rot in the heat of Africa.

Dr. Palmer’s remains should also be left to rot in the Heat of Africa.

Dr. Palmers dental office has  since closed.

Thanks for listening.

Sincerely,

Dr. Everything

Everything for Thursday, July 23, 2105

Cosby

“America’s Dad” is in deep doo-doo.

The  California Supreme Court has granted one of his accusers the right to proceed against him, notwithstanding the statute of limitations.   Perhaps Cosby should have spiked the Court’s drinking water with qualudes.

The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce has refused to remove Cosby’s star from the “Walk of Fame”.  The point is moot, as his “Walk of Fame” star  will undoubtedly become Hollywood’s new public urinal.

KKK gathers to waves the Confederate flag near the SC Statehouse grounds

These guys need a day job.

Trump

Trump is a master ventriloquist. He can keep his mouth shut while his asshole does all the talking.

Woman killed in Texas for failure to signal

A routine traffic stop escalated into a “suicide” by an unarmed black woman.  The woman, Ms. bland, failed to signal during a lane change.   After being pulled over, Ms. Bland refused to extinguish her cigarette.  The cop then threatened to “light her up” with his taser.

After being thrown to the concrete, cuffed, and imprisoned, she was found dead in her cell.  Police are calling it a “suicide”.    So remember….If your black and live in Texas, smoking is indeed hazardous to your health.

Thanks for listening.

Sincerely,

Dr. Everything

Everything for Saturday, July 18, 2015

Get Shorty

The Mexican drug lord known as “El Chapo” or “Shorty”, has escaped from prison….again.  As well as being a fugitive,  “Shorty” has now put out a contract on Donald Trump. Now that’s what I call multi-tasking.

Apple Store

Have you ever been inside an Apple Store? A sea of young people in blue outfits acting like they work for the Secret Service.

Cleveland Indians

Have you seen the logo for the Cleveland Indians baseball team?  Huge nose and buck teeth. Very flattering. It makes the logo for the Washington Redskins look respectable.

Getting Older

Is it just me, or is getting older a journey of one MD appointment after another? It’s too bad that there’s more profit for doctors to treat the sick than it is for them to promote wellness. After all, how can an MD make a living by telling a patient that he’s in perfect health?

The “Accountant of Auschwitz”

The German government arrested a 90-something year old guy who was a prison guard at Auschwitz. The  man claims that he didn’t kill anyone….that he was “just a witness and not a participant” to mass murder.   Sorry dude, but being a “murder voyeur” is also a crime.  You may now “witness” your soul rotting in prison.

Thanks for listening

Sincerely,

Dr. Everything

Everything for Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Greetings,

Transgender in the military

The  federal government has now approved transgender men and women to serve in the military.   Camouflage panties anyone?

Gay Boy Scouts

The BSA have approved openly gay men to serve as scout leaders. The Boy Scouts are now the Village People.

 

Mexican drug lord escapes….again

“El Chapo” was last seen inside New York’s  Clinton Correctional facility, teaching a class called “Manhole covers and full body lubrication”.

New Mockingbird

Harper Lee’s  new book, “Go Set a Watchman” , depicts the beloved Atticus Finch as a racist. That’s like casting Ozzie and Harriet as Nazis.

 

Thanks for listening.

Sincerely,

Dr. Everything